It happened too fast, not fast enough for me to miss an opportunity to analyze it. I don’t know how I am able to do that; think very quickly and then make wise decisions, I am thankful though the skill has come in very handy. Especially in such a situation as the one you and I were in earlier this year.
I liked you very much, and it was obvious that you had some feelings towards me. What exactly they were was something neither of us knew. See, I can read people but I can only read so much. You concealed them, your feelings, and was never one to talk about what you felt, well, not where we were concerned. You lost a point there. I need a man who is sure of himself and who isn’t afraid to say what he thinks or feels at any given time.
It was such a relief to finally scale that wall, and then we arrived at the one that made me take the actions I did. Albeit drastic, I don’t regret them. They were for my good and I don’t take issues that affect me emotionally likely. You were hesitant. I even tried to understand where that stemmed from, and for a bit I did. Then it hit me, if the reason you gave me for being hesitant was true, then we didn’t have anything special and my time was only being wasted. I can take a lot of mundane things but a mundane relationship, one in which I was doing all the fussing, wasn’t what I was about to get myself in.
So I decided that the whole thing with you wasn’t worth it. Then I got handed a golden opportunity to leave, one I used very wisely. We had that huge argument and I said things, we said things, and I told you never to call me again. Again, a decision I don’t regret even though afterwards I found myself missing you at certain times. It was either stay with you and be miserable or leave and find happiness somewhere else. I chose the latter, clearly.
You have a lot of growing up to do, so much man-ing up to do. You should not be scared of falling in love because you have been hurt before. We all have been, yet, I was more than willing to trust you with my heart, until you showed me how unworthy you were. I need a person who I can be sure of, because I am always sure of my emotions. I promise you there is hardly ever any confusion there. I am not asking for you to be like that, I am only suggesting that you take time out to do some growing up. Stay away from relationships and cater to yourself, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Find yourself, love yourself.
Don’t be defined by the circumstances life may throw at you. Forgive your past mistakes; forgive your mum, your dad, your siblings for any hurt they may have caused that may have damaged you. Do not define other situations in your life based on one awful one. This may be difficult to do but I know it’s very doable, and you, more than anyone else can do it.
At this point I have given up on a future for us, but I know you will make some girl very happy. There is so much you are capable of. You just have to see past the things that don’t seem to be working well in your life.
This is for you, ‘Bu as much as it is for me.
With much love,